Human interactions are one of the most integral parts of life. As social creatures, human beings interact on varying degrees - and almost nothing on earth can be as scarring or painful as an unwanted breakup. The realization that someone you invested time and effort in isn't interested in being with you any longer is devastating. While wallowing in a bottomless vat of self-pity may seem like the best idea ever, it's not going to help you reconnect. If you want to genuinely have a shot at winning back your relationship, you need to do something about it. Don't rush in with guns blazing, however. Come up with a plan that can be put into place without forcing anything on your ex. That means exhibiting patience, tolerance and intelligence - and not charging in blind and hoping for the best.
Step 1: Acceptance is not Acquiescence:
No one says that you have to like your breakup. You can absolutely hate it - and you have a right to. That does not mean, however, that you need to get into a screaming match with your ex to see who can be more stubborn. Frankly speaking, what you need to do right now is going to go against every natural instinct you possess. You need to accept that your ex broke up with you. You don't have to agree with their reasons or concede the fact that it was the best option - but accepting that it happened is a critical piece of the puzzle.
If you get your guard up too high and react with emotion rather than intelligence, that reaction is going to be a huge hurdle that has to be overcome before you can ever get another chance. You don't want to put additional problems in your path. It's already going to be difficult; you don't want to make it worse. Accepting it for now is going to be the path of least resistance, and it's going to pay off better later on in the process.
Step 2: Don't Hang Around Unnecessarily:
Although your relationship has ended, it's more than likely that your ex is still a part of your life. Not only do you think about them continually, they probably left a few lines of communication open - just in case. Maybe their contact caught you by surprise, but it makes sense when you stop to consider the motivation behind it. Unfortunately, continued communication does not necessarily mean that they're reconsidering their decision to leave you. It could mean simply that they're looking for validation - and your difficulty in handling the breakup is giving it to them in spades.
Think about what you can accomplish if you take a few steps back and remove yourself directly from the picture. That means that your ex will have to work harder to find out what you're up to. Their continual ego boost will be cut off at the knees, and they'll be left with the empty feeling that you're so familiar with. Since it's unlikely they're ready to fully move on, they'll be looking for a sense of security, and they were counting on you to fill that role. You're simply refusing to play the game by their rules. This makes them wonder, and there's a reason that curiosity killed the cat.
Step 3: Bring Back the Best of the Past:
Are there things about your ex that drove you crazy while the two of you were still together? If you don't even have to take a moment's pause before thinking of a laundry list of bad habits, it's safe to say that your ex feels similarly about you. This is even more apparent if there have been drastic changes in you in the time you spent together. Maybe you encountered more stress than normal or you fell out of your gym habit. Regardless of the potential areas of improvement, the breakup could give you the chance to address those issues - and completely turn them around to your advantage.
It's time to take the focus off of your ex for a little while and turn your attention on yourself. This often feels incredibly uncomfortable, but the more honest you can be with yourself when no one's watching, the bigger chance you have for positive change that can get you moving in the right direction. If you take advantage of this opportunity you can set up the perfect reconnection. Just imagine the look on your ex's face after you've taken some time to evaluate yourself in all aspects - and make the effort to improve.
Step 4: Allow A Role Reversal - Getting Your Ex to Chase You:
If your ex was anticipating the fact that you were going to chase after them endlessly once they ended the relationship, they're in for a rude awakening. Not only are you not chasing them or begging for another chance, you're not even returning their calls or texts. This is going to set their emotions on edge and fully make them understand what they may have lost when they left you behind (a key strategy to win your ex back)!
This sense of loss is going to be similar to what you felt when they initially broke up with you. Instead of taking pleasure in their misery, remember what it feels like - and make sure you're in the ultimate position to react appropriately and intelligently when the right time presents itself.
If you try to go through this process without a set plan in place, you're destined to fail. Emotionally charged situations carry a high price and mistakes are not easily overcome - if they can be overcome at all. Why take the chance that everything could blow up in your face? Be prepared instead and take control of your own destiny - instead of leaving it up to chance.
What To Do Next
Getting back together with your ex is a process that requires willpower and patience. It will not happen overnight, but you can speed things up by avoiding common break up mistakes that people make. Take a cold hard look at your behaviour right now and how it might look to your ex, when you are honest with yourself it will help you in the long run.
Watch out for signs ex still loves you too. You want to know that you are on the right track with your ex and that they feel the same way about you before you proceed.