|Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.|
|Today, 05:11 PM||? #1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Huntington Beach, CA
We are 5 months into the marriage. She cheated with a co-worker before the wedding and insists that she doesn?t care about him and I believe her when she says that. She was a virgin before that, and so she lost her virginity to him. I am not a virgin and that doesnt really matter to me, but I thought it mattered to her. That isnt the ultimate issue and thats not what bothered me. I was hurt at the time because I felt betrayed. After careful evaluation of our engagement and relationship at that time, we agreed that she made a mistake and she was seemingly apologetic. Enough for me to believe that it was just that ? a mistake. I don?t want to go into too many details about her explanation of why she did it, or how she ended up doing it, but in the end, I felt better about it and we were married a month later.
And now we are 5 months into the marriage. I caught her recently talking with another guy via facebook, very flirtatious and I confronted her. For two weeks I was dying inside because I got the sense that she didn?t want me anymore, that maybe she never did. She was less apologetic, but still felt bad and tried to convince me that she has a ?problem,? and that she needs time to figure out what is wrong with her. Ultimately, however, she does want to work on the relationship because she loves me. I spoke with her some more last weekend, and she admitted to me that she slept with the first guy again, couple months back. Now I am here.
She contests that she doesn?t have feelings for him, that he is very persuasive, but that she did want to sleep with him. It happened. Couple months have gone by since that incident, and I think she intended to leave me and just never tell me. But she stayed because she believes that we can work through this. I don?t know how convinced I am, and recently I have felt like I have had to fight more than she has. She seems crushed by the whole situation and I can empathize, but I?m now more concerned about myself, and I don?t want to get hurt anymore.
|Today, 05:29 PM||? #9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2012
Start 180: see search for what that is if you don't know.
Your wife isn't going to "get better." She does have a problem. She doesn't respect you and isn't sorry about it. She's sorry she got caught, but it doesn't really seem she's had any consequences for this activity.
1. I'd file for divorce and let her figure out in the time that takes to finalize whether she really wants it. Honestly why even ask, you are so fresh into this that the repercussions are pretty minor for you two.
My advice is it's way too early to worry. Just file and you will, I promise, WILL find another woman who has sound character, morals and judgement.
This isn an easy one in my eyes. As a recent poster said to me "she would have to have such outstanding character and qualities as to be able to overlook these issues."
|Today, 05:31 PM||? #10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Myrtle Beach
From single virgin to marriage to serial cheater in roughly 5 months?? Meh, not buying it. You've been snowed from the beginning of your relationship. She was about as likely a virgin then as I am now.
Of course, we've seen stranger things so......
Move on. You can do much better than this.
|Today, 05:34 PM||? #11 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2012
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